If you are someone that thrives on setting goals for each year, you might already be in the process of starting to think about next year. It can be really challenging to think about 2024 if you are feeling like all you did was survive 2023.
The new year tends to bring hope and the promise of a fresh start, but it can also create a lot of pressure to improve and, frankly, I think people are pretty tired of hustling.
So whether you’re feeling motivated and inspired or depleted and tired, here are a few steps to help you reach your goals that don’t require you to “push through” and instead will, hopefully, allow you to move forward with a little more clarity:
Step 1: Reflect on this past year to see what worked and what didn’t.
While it’s very appealing to leave the past behind and attempt to start the year with a clean slate, our minds and bodies don’t tend to work that way. The ruptures we leave un-repaired in our relationships and within ourselves tend to move with us in very burdensome ways.
Whether it’s the fight you had with your partner that didn’t get resolved or that physical ailment you still haven’t seen a doctor for– our bodies know when we’re running on fumes, even when we try to tell them we’re not.
If you don’t believe me, maybe it’s worth checking for yourself!
Think back on the goals you set for last year. Celebrate the ones you accomplished and reflect on the ones you didn’t.
Then take a few minutes to reflect and write down the major pain points that come to mind from this past year.
As you are doing this, take some time to check in with yourself:
Does it feel heavy and depleting or does it feel neutral (like talking about what you had for breakfast this morning)? Does it feel like the bottom is falling out from beneath you or can you feel your feet still planted firmly on the ground? Do you feel clear on why things didn’t go according to plan, or do you find yourself spiraling with shame?
Whatever experience you’re having of this exercise, please know you are not alone.
We all struggle with feeling good enough, and we are all limited in how much we can control.
This is why some people prefer not to look back at all. If you’ve made it this far in my post, chances are you’ve got grit.
For what it’s worth, if you didn’t reach your goals last year, you’re in good company. Personally, I don’t know anyone that did. I know more people that decided 2023 wasn’t their year, and I find myself very frustrated with how easily social media convinces me otherwise.
So if you are finding yourself feeling disappointed in how this year played out for you, I would invite you to move on to
Step 2: Notice any feelings of disappointment and use that as an invitation to lean into the third aspect of your mental health–your spirit.
Our minds operate on very tight timelines and our bodies carry the weight of that, but our spirits recognize that time is a human construct.
Our souls know that this world and all the pain it entails is temporary. Our souls know that few things are as urgent as they feel, and that–fortunately or unfortunately–we don’t have to feel happy all the time to live a fulfilling life.
Our minds and bodies are consumed with processing the never-ending onslaught of to-dos and just trying to keep up, but our souls know we have time.
If you know you are moving on the right path, and you can feel the settling of having time, this usually allows us some room to grieve the dreams we haven’t fulfilled (yet).
When I look back at this past year and all of the things that didn’t go according to plan, I recognize that I didn’t fail in my planning or my efforts to move towards my goals.
I failed in getting back on track when life threw me some curveballs. When I felt disappointed, I spent a little too long regretting, questioning, doubting, and ruminating instead of just seeking support for that feeling.
So personally, what I needed was more empathy from others and more trust in what the universe has in store for me–even if it’s not the story I’ve written for myself.
This might look different for you though!
Which brings me to the final step–
Step 3. Receiving grace.
Let’s assume you did your best in 2023. Let’s also assume it’s entirely possible that you are exactly where you need to be right now. Now let’s take it one step farther and assume that setbacks are inevitable.
When you look back at those same goals for 2023–what do you see that you needed?
To me, grace is a gift from God that allows us to be close to him despite all of our shortcomings and wrongdoings.It’s relieving in that it has started shifting my obsession with “getting things right” to more acceptance of trial and error.
If you don’t ascribe to that belief, self-compassion might be a better resource for you. Self-compassion is the ability to be kind to ourselves and to recognize that suffering and mistakes are a part of what makes us human.
When I am accepting my humanity and the limitations of what I can and cannot control, and I look back on those same goals again–I see someone struggling to stay in my lane.
I see where I spent a lot of time focusing on other people because I started to give up on myself.
Oof.
As someone who prides themselves on being disciplined and hard-working, it hurts to look in the mirror when I’m not being either of those things. But if I look a little closer–I can also see, very compassionately, why. I felt discouraged and tired of failing, so I just stopped trying (briefly!).
Now, in a very windy way, I think this brings us full circle.
I think (or I hope) if we can look at 2023 with grace and understanding, then we can process the pain of dreams left unfulfilled. We can grieve the losses we experienced along the way, and we can begin to take ownership of what it means to do our best. We can accept the things we cannot control, and let go of the rest.
Our souls can handle our expectations falling short of reality.
Our souls can handle setbacks and disappointments, because our souls know pain is temporary.
The beauty of receiving grace (or self-compassion if that fits better for you!) is that it allows us to extend it to others too.
When we recognize we are human and so are our partners, we can see that it only makes sense that we fail each other from time to time. These failures are an opportunity to draw closer to our faith (or existential beliefs), because they remind us that we will never be perfect. And if we can accept that we will never be perfect–then we can apologize, forgive, and let go as we need to.
We can admit when we’re struggling, and we can ask for help.
Now THAT is a 2024 that I look forward to.
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