There are many different approaches when it comes to therapy or counseling in Austin, Texas. Unfortunately, it’s not always clear what methods a therapist prefers to use and how those techniques will mesh with your personal demeanor. My goal in this article is to outline the ways I’ve grown to love working with people, while providing you with some helpful questions you can use to approach myself or other therapist in Austin and counselors you might be interviewing in Austin, Texas. Good luck on your journey!
Some therapists are more comfortable addressing the immediate problem, while others want to focus on the deeper issue. Which are you?
For most people interested in therapy or counseling, they have some problem or issue in mind which they would like to explore. In my practice (and many others) we call that the presenting problem. My approach to addressing presenting problems in therapy or counseling is starting with what is digestible and manageable for the client.
Like any new relationship, my relationship with clients has to start at the surface. When clients are observably more relaxed, I see that as an opportunity to take the conversation deeper. Sometimes this means going deeper into the origin of the issue itself, other times it means moving further into the emotional experience.
In my experience as a therapist and counselor, individuals are a little more willing to focus on the deeper issues than couples are. When couples come into therapy they’re usually looking for tools and solutions and hoping to get out of therapy as quickly as they can. For some couples, this is all they need, and I am ok with working towards that goal. For most couples, however, this is usually just the beginning.
One way of looking at this is the difference between something called first and second order change. First order change usually involves more surface-level change, it often results from doing more or less of something. This can include behavior changes or shifts in one’s language when communicating. Second order change involves getting to the deeper issues and ultimately creates a fundamental shift in the relationship.
My job is to meet you where you are at. If something I point out in your relationship isn’t a problem for you, then it isn’t a problem for me. If you agree that something is a problem, but you are not READY to address it my only request is we name that and discuss the limitations of not addressing said problem. Additionally, my opinion is that there are times when it is not appropriate to delve into deeper issues. Sometimes containment and managing a transition are more important.
In the first few sessions of working with you, I tend to gather feedback about the intensity level you are comfortable with. Metacommunication is one way I help clients feel confident in their ability to return to safety when the intensity has gotten too high. I have at times used a “red light, yellow light, green light” approach to help clients identify where they’re at in their window of tolerance. If we’re just talking about the weather, you’re not going to get anything out of therapy. At the other end of the spectrum if you are so overloaded you’re just trying to breathe, we need to slow down or pendulate and come back to that later.
Do you lead the therapy or counseling session, or do I start, while you follow my lead?
In the first few sessions, I tend to take the lead because I recognize how intimidating and uncomfortable it can be for you just to be there much less know what to say. There are a few main questions I like to get answered in the first session, but overall I consider my approach somewhat informal. I am not going to just stare at you and watch you squirm, and I am not going to treat you like a patient at a doctor’s office with a litany of questions. I try to be as conversational as possible in the first few sessions because that’s really the best way for you to know if we are a good fit.
Beyond the first few sessions, I encourage clients to take the lead. We will collaborate on therapeutic goals and areas of focus so we know what we’re working towards and when we’re off track. For the most part, however, I leave it up to you to choose where we start each week. Just like going to the gym or going to work, the more that you initiate in therapy, the more you will get out of it. If you do not feel engaged in the process, the work will not be very meaningful to you.
What role does our relationship (client/therapist) play in our work? Do you lecture or provide a safe space for practice?
There are multiple layers to the client/therapist relationship. First there’s the importance of being a good fit for each other, and second, there’s the importance of processing in the here-and-now. Research has shown time and time again that the therapist/client relationship is the most consistent factor in predicting the effectiveness of therapy. Part of my obligation to you is to make sure that I am capable of helping you based on your reasons for coming to therapy. I do my best to screen clients at the beginning to make sure I am able to help you with what you are going through before we meet in person. Then I check in again at the end of the first session to make sure you feel comfortable working with me. Although it can be difficult, it is really important that you are honest with me. If you do not trust me or feel comfortable working with me therapy is not going to be effective.
As for our relationship throughout therapy, I am here for you and we will primarily talk about you. There are times when we will talk about our relationship because there is no way of ignoring that as a therapist I am also a human. I very rarely talk about myself, but I am myself in the room. I will make mistakes, I will say things that piss you off, and I will try to connect with you. How you respond in these moments is a part of the therapeutic process. The client-therapist relationship is a very strange one.
In some ways, therapy is a laboratory for practicing. At some point, all individuals start interacting with me the way they do with others outside of therapy and all couples start interacting with each other the way they do outside of therapy. This is incredibly valuable information! Many clients think here-and-now questions are a distraction or a tangent from what we should be talking about, but that could not be farther from the truth. There is no quicker way for me to get you engaged than to bring you in the moment. We learn through experience. The more we can make changes in the here-and-now the easier it will be for you to integrate these changes outside of the room.
I primarily consider myself collaborative and process-oriented which means I am working with you (not directing you) and asking you thought-provoking questions. I’m pretty confident that no one likes being lectured, but there are times when guidance is necessary and helpful. I mostly find myself providing education or coaching people through the process of therapy, emotion regulation, boundaries, and interdependence in relationships. I am an avid reader and get a thrill from applying research directly to relationships but I recognize that you are far from a statistic or label. I almost never tell you what to do, but I will tell you where it looks like you’re headed if you keep doing what you’ve always done. I speak up when I see patterns forming and together we figure out how that happens and how to break the cycle.
What are your strengths as a therapist in Austin, TX?
My strengths as a therapist include helping you feel safe in the room and helping you feel confident in your ability to have hard conversations and create change. Some other strong traits I have are:
- Asking good questions to take the conversation from surface level problems to the deeper issues.
- Helping clients identify and develop a language for their emotions
- Helping clients overcome feelings of shame as they embrace who they are and feel more solid in their identity
- Navigating transitions in the relationship
- Addressing unmet needs and improving communication
- Identifying patterns of interaction and helping clients make sense of these patterns
- Uncovering the origin of unresolved issues interfering with everyday life
Have you been in therapy? What was/is that experience like for you?
Yes, I have been in therapy myself and since I do this for a living I’m not sure if I’ll ever completely stop going. Over the course of my personal work, therapy has served many different functions for me. There is always an overarching goal or theme, but there are times when I am steadfast in what I need to figure out and there are times when I just need someone to talk to or a safe space to feel my feelings. Not everyone needs to be in therapy long term, but for everyone, there are different reasons to keep going when you do.
A lot of people are surprised to hear that therapists have therapists and aren’t quite sure what to make of that. The best way I can describe it has come from my Catholic upbringing. As a kid, I remember hearing that the Pope goes to confession every week. When I asked the teacher what the Pope could possibly have to confess, she explained that the Pope has a greater understanding of every small way he has sinned than most of us do. That is exactly what it’s like to be a therapist. I have such a high awareness of when things are off, that I need ongoing support.
When I first became a therapist, I was initially terrified of seeking therapy. I thought if I told the therapist I was struggling she would report me to the board or tell me I wasn’t qualified to help others. That feels so bizarre to even say that now. Thankfully, I had a wonderful therapist that told me exactly what I needed to hear and exactly what I continue to tell my clients–needing help does not make you a bad [insert your title here], it is BECAUSE we get the help we need that we’re able to do what we want to do in our lives.
What I’ve realized is that most of the time what we initially think is the problem ends up not really being the problem. I thought my problem was not being able to handle everything I was juggling with ease. The real problem was that I had too much going on, and I wasn’t letting myself relax…partly because I didn’t know how to. I was stuck in a cycle of perfectionism and people pleasing and my body started freaking out. I could go in circles intellectualizing everything I was feeling, but it wasn’t working.
At first, it took everything in me just to sit in the client seat through sessions. As I learned to calm my nervous system (partly through mindfulness and self-compassion), I started integrating more of what I already intellectually knew and bringing it into my body. I started figuring out that when my heart is racing I need to slow down, not speed up (or go for a 6-mile run). Once I had more internal attunement, things really started to click. I stopped beating myself up and started advocating my needs. There are also things I wanted to blame on my partner that actually had nothing to do with him. My life didn’t suddenly become different, but my experience of everything definitely did.
The most valuable lessons I’ve learned about being a therapist have come from doing my own personal work. I get what it’s like to be in your shoes, and I know how hard the work can be. Therapy can be scary and painful, but that’s how we learn and grow. The point of therapy is not to avoid pain, but to learn how to deal with it.
If you’re running up against something in your life that you’d like to share with someone, but aren’t sure how I’d love to chat with you. Select which of the following type of therapy or counseling looks right for your presenting problem and then reach out and we’ll go from there.
