Right now there seems to be some collective hopelessness and fatigue sinking in, and it’s times like these I’m reminded I’ve had a lot of practice with trudging through hopelessness in my work as a therapist.
I’ve learned that there are 5 things that help me to feel inspired again when I’m feeling hopeless:
- Connection (always)–to my body, my emotions, my support system, and my sense of purpose in life.
- Resting when I need to.
- Creative outlets–music, writing, visualization.
- Realistic expectations–evaluating (and re-evaluating) what I have the capacity for, getting a clear view of what I’m dealing with, and strategizing.
- Focusing on the small wins–which is the one I want to focus on here.
What does it mean to focus on the small wins?
Focusing on the small wins means that you zoom out and see the situation for what it is–hard, challenging, if not nearly impossible. You look at the road ahead of you and realize this thing is not a sprint. This thing is about to be a marathon and because of that, I’m going to need endurance.
So instead of gritting and bearing it, you find the small wins that will sustain you. The small wins give you fuel and they may even help you find joy in the process.
Celebrating small wins is not dismissive positivity or resignation.
Celebrating small wins is not dismissive positivity that says, “Well at least you ______ “. It’s honoring that every step is a step. And every step in the right direction gets you just a little closer to your goal and gives you just a little boost of hope when you need it most.
So I’m going to volunteer some ideas for potential small wins. I’m not suggesting that if you do these things you’re going to feel better every moment of every day…or maybe even at all. What I am suggesting is that if you can find some small wins, you might start to find the inspiration and strength to keep going.
Here’s hoping!
Suggestions for Small Wins During the Quarantine
For single adults:
- You got up in the morning, though it seemed there was really no reason to.
- You ate a solid meal, though you really just wanted to eat more Apple Jacks.
- You moved during the day, though you could’ve sat on the couch until night time.
- You told yourself you’re doing a good job, even though it didn’t feel like you were.
- You resisted criticizing yourself for being unproductive and instead gave yourself a small pat on the back for getting through the day.
- You did 3 things on your to-do list, even if you had 20 on there (maybe make the to-do list smaller tomorrow)
- You swapped a glass of wine for a mindful activity.
- You went to bed 1 hour earlier than you have been the past week.
Suggested hype songs for you: Surfaces “Sunday Best”, Tom Petty “Learning to Fly”
For couples in quarantine:
All of the above, plus the following…
- You asked for space when you needed it and/or you asked for support when you needed it.
- You decided to look past that annoying thing your partner just did.
- You caught your partner doing something right today.
- You apologized when you lost your cool and/or you forgave your partner for losing theirs.
- You worked together as a team during one part of the day.
- You laughed together.
- You resisted blaming your partner for the mess and instead decided to clean it up yourself.
- You spent 30 minutes truly connecting.
- You had a hard conversation about finances.
Suggested hype songs for you: Leon “Think About You”, New Radicals “You Get What You Give”
For couples with kids and/or parents in quarantine:
All of the above, plus the following…
- You fed your kid/s.
- You kept your kids safe and alive.
- You gave your kids some nurturance and love.
- You demonstrated patience when you could’ve lost your cool.
- You apologized for losing your cool and/or you helped them regulate when they lost theirs.
- You validated their feelings.
- You talked to them about their day.
- You did your best to help them with schoolwork.
- You made it through another day.
Suggested hype songs for you: Ben E. King “Stand by Me”, Bill Withers “Lovely Day”
For the helpers who don’t get to stay home:
- You showed up.
- You did your best.
- You helped someone with something.
- You took care of yourself when you needed to.
- You asked for help when you needed it.
- You were brave.
- You stood your ground when you needed to.
- You could’ve fed into the negativity, but you didn’t.
- You advocated for yourself.
- You had a meltdown, but then you kept going.
- You made it through another day.
Suggested hype songs for you: for KING & COUNTRY (feat. Dolly Parton) “God Only Knows”, Chumbawumba “Tubthumping”
Just remember, every small win is still a win. Sending lots of love to all of you!
