HealthIndividual CounselingLifeTherapy in AustinTherapy in Austin TXTXFinding Comfort in Times of Grief - Alex Barnette Counseling

It’s been years since my Grandma Aki passed and sometimes the grief still catches me off guard. I think this is mostly because there were a lot of parts to grieve—her as a person and our relationship, her role as the glue and comedic relief in my family and the unconditional supporter of everyone, the end of an era for my family, and the death itself. And I’m sure each of my family members has more and/or different parts to grieve.

Unfortunately, grief isn’t a one-and-done thing. There are anniversaries, triggers, events that person (or pet) should have been a part of & even if you do everything “right”, grief will still come in waves. However, those waves can come up to your knees or they can come in like a tsunami and swallow you whole.

Nothing beats a hug and/or the warm presence of a loving witness when you’re feeling down, but when I’m alone and I miss my grandma, there are three things that bring me comfort:

1. Gardening and nature. People seem to swear by this, research has supported the idea and it turns out it works for me too.
2. Imagination/mindfulness. Closing my eyes, picturing her sweet smile and imagining her saying “I’m still here”.
3. The concept of rippling. As one of her favorite artists, “George-y” Strait said, “I’m carrying your love with me”.

What is rippling? 

In his novel, Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Dread of Death Yalom writes, “Of all the ideas that have emerged from my years of practice to counter a person’s death anxiety and distress at the transience of life, I have found the idea of rippling singularly powerful. Rippling refers to the fact that each of us creates–often without our conscious intent or knowledge–concentric circles of influence that may affect others for years, even for generations. Rippling does not necessarily mean leaving behind your image or your name…Rippling refers instead to leaving behind something from your life experience; some trait; some piece of wisdom, guidance, virtue, comfort that passes on to others, known or unknown”.

When I see my Grandma’s influence on each of my family members, I feel joy. And when I realize I can carry her love and pass it on without it running out, I feel warm & fuzzy. So if you’re struggling this week—grieve as much as you need & reach out for support. Because when you do, there’s no way for it to swallow you whole in one swoop. When you make room for the dark, the light comes through on the other side.