The way you approach each other matters! When you’re trying to get your partner’s attention, you want to make sure you’re not immediately sending them into threat-mode. Here are some suggestions for getting your partner’s attention in a loving way: Use nicknames: Stan Tatkin says yelling their name sends us back to childhood and makes...
Right now there seems to be some collective hopelessness and fatigue sinking in, and it’s times like these I’m reminded I’ve had a lot of practice with trudging through hopelessness in my work as a therapist. I’ve learned that there are 5 things that help me to feel inspired again when I’m feeling hopeless: ...
As we all attempt to make sense of COVID-19 and attempt to cope with the uncertainty it brings, I wanted to share some of the free flow thoughts that have been circling in my head the past few days. 1. The future may be unpredictable, but we tend to respond in predictable ways. Yes,...
If you’re a parent, I don’t need to tell you that there are a million little things to do for your kid or kids everyday. Rather than go through each task, chore, etc. I’ve noticed that most couples seem to do a generalized overview of who does what and that becomes the status quo until...
The most common feedback I get from couples is how helpful it is to start thinking in terms of what their RELATIONSHIP needs. Most people tend to think of relationships as a balance between you and me. I’m either selfish or selfless. What Stan Tatkin, founder of PACT, suggests is that the “you or me”...
I’ve gone back and forth on this idea for a long time. Sometimes you just need a break from therapy. Sometimes it’s easier to justify making time for exercise than it is to justify therapy. You might find yourself thinking, “You know, running, yoga, etc. is basically the same thing”. Sometimes I have the same...
It’s been years since my Grandma Aki passed and sometimes the grief still catches me off guard. I think this is mostly because there were a lot of parts to grieve—her as a person and our relationship, her role as the glue and comedic relief in my family and the unconditional supporter of everyone, the...
Having a partner for life means going through life together. And life can be freaking scary. Career instability, health issues, miscarriages, becoming parents, deaths in the family, addiction, getting older, these are all things that make you go 😰. Sometimes we need a parent who’s “got this” and knows what to do, but sometimes we...
During the most wonderful time of the year, you might notice that your relationship is a little more strained than usual. As a couples therapist, I’ve gotten pretty familiar with the influx of couples requests I get at the beginning of November. More specifically, I’ve gotten familiar with the state most new couples’ relationships are...
As someone who’s been a client in both individual and couples therapy and as someone who provides therapy to both couples and individuals, here is something I’ve learned–You are allowed to feel your feelings and express them how you want to. HOWEVER, if you are expressing them in a way that is flooding your partner,...
