The way you approach each other matters! When you’re trying to get your partner’s attention, you want to make sure you’re not immediately sending them into threat-mode. Here are some suggestions for getting your partner’s attention in a loving way: Use nicknames: Stan Tatkin says yelling their name sends us back to childhood and makes...
As we all attempt to make sense of COVID-19 and attempt to cope with the uncertainty it brings, I wanted to share some of the free flow thoughts that have been circling in my head the past few days. 1. The future may be unpredictable, but we tend to respond in predictable ways. Yes,...
If you’re a parent, I don’t need to tell you that there are a million little things to do for your kid or kids everyday. Rather than go through each task, chore, etc. I’ve noticed that most couples seem to do a generalized overview of who does what and that becomes the status quo until...
The most common feedback I get from couples is how helpful it is to start thinking in terms of what their RELATIONSHIP needs. Most people tend to think of relationships as a balance between you and me. I’m either selfish or selfless. What Stan Tatkin, founder of PACT, suggests is that the “you or me”...
Having a partner for life means going through life together. And life can be freaking scary. Career instability, health issues, miscarriages, becoming parents, deaths in the family, addiction, getting older, these are all things that make you go 😰. Sometimes we need a parent who’s “got this” and knows what to do, but sometimes we...
Let’s face it—most people aren’t prepared to manage and maintain a relationship that lasts “until death do us apart”. Around 50% of first marriages end in divorce, and the divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher. Happiness researchers have consistently found that the “single biggest predictor of human happiness is the quality of a...
As someone who’s been a client in both individual and couples therapy and as someone who provides therapy to both couples and individuals, here is something I’ve learned–You are allowed to feel your feelings and express them how you want to. HOWEVER, if you are expressing them in a way that is flooding your partner,...
If you and your partner perpetually fight after social events, this post is for you. A good portion of the couples I work with struggle with balancing time apart and time together when they’re out together. Here are a few of the common complaints I’ve heard, “You convinced me to go and then you just...
In part 1 I examined what I think makes Instagram uniquely qualified to cause strain in closed, committed relationships. As I mentioned, my view is that fights about Instagram are not necessarily the core problem, but more likely a symptom of something deeper in the relationship. So while I do think it’s important to understand...
Lately, it seems Instagram has been coming up in my office more in my work with couples. Initially, I found this unusual. I’m used to social media being brought up with individuals going through a break-up or struggling with self-worth. I didn’t really expect social media to impact couples’ relationships to the extent it has…or...
