The most common feedback I get from couples is how helpful it is to start thinking in terms of what their RELATIONSHIP needs. Most people tend to think of relationships as a balance between you and me. I’m either selfish or selfless. What Stan Tatkin, founder of PACT, suggests is that the “you or me”...
Having a partner for life means going through life together. And life can be freaking scary. Career instability, health issues, miscarriages, becoming parents, deaths in the family, addiction, getting older, these are all things that make you go 😰. Sometimes we need a parent who’s “got this” and knows what to do, but sometimes we...
Let’s face it—most people aren’t prepared to manage and maintain a relationship that lasts “until death do us apart”. Around 50% of first marriages end in divorce, and the divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher. Happiness researchers have consistently found that the “single biggest predictor of human happiness is the quality of a...
As someone who’s been a client in both individual and couples therapy and as someone who provides therapy to both couples and individuals, here is something I’ve learned–You are allowed to feel your feelings and express them how you want to. HOWEVER, if you are expressing them in a way that is flooding your partner,...
If you and your partner perpetually fight after social events, this post is for you. A good portion of the couples I work with struggle with balancing time apart and time together when they’re out together. Here are a few of the common complaints I’ve heard, “You convinced me to go and then you just...
In part 1 I examined what I think makes Instagram uniquely qualified to cause strain in closed, committed relationships. As I mentioned, my view is that fights about Instagram are not necessarily the core problem, but more likely a symptom of something deeper in the relationship. So while I do think it’s important to understand...
Lately, it seems Instagram has been coming up in my office more in my work with couples. Initially, I found this unusual. I’m used to social media being brought up with individuals going through a break-up or struggling with self-worth. I didn’t really expect social media to impact couples’ relationships to the extent it has…or...
In a long-term relationship, couples are constantly faced with making decisions together. Some of them are big (where to live, when to have kids) and some of them are small (where to eat, what to do on a Saturday). How you make these decisions with your partner can be the difference between feeling more connected...
It may sound presumptuous for me, a therapist, to tell you why what great therapy looks like, but in addition to being a therapist, I also have my own therapist and have had to work through my own personal issues and create strategies for growth. This post is about what I’ve learned from my experience...
Each of these could be broken out into their own post, but I want to hit the high-level concepts that make the first year of marriage work. As with anything I write, my perspective is shaped by my experience with clients, training and my personal experiences. Every relationship is unique, which is why therapy is...
