I’ve learned the most from my therapists and supervisors when I’ve caught them being human, and I think all of us deserve a little more leeway than usual during the current craziness. But make no mistake–therapists have a duty to maintain a certain level of professionalism for the space to be therapeutic. At times it...
What I know about working with individuals is how hesitant people are to start couples therapy and how important it is they feel safe with the couples therapist. What I know about working with couples is how unrealistic it is that both partners are going to feel safe all the time…and how some individuals can...
The way you approach each other matters! When you’re trying to get your partner’s attention, you want to make sure you’re not immediately sending them into threat-mode. Here are some suggestions for getting your partner’s attention in a loving way: Use nicknames: Stan Tatkin says yelling their name sends us back to childhood and makes...
You don't have to carry other people's baggage in the form of guilt and anxiety. Here are two ways to practice letting go now.
Right now there seems to be some collective hopelessness and fatigue sinking in, and it’s times like these I’m reminded I’ve had a lot of practice with trudging through hopelessness in my work as a therapist. I’ve learned that there are 5 things that help me to feel inspired again when I’m feeling hopeless: ...
As we all attempt to make sense of COVID-19 and attempt to cope with the uncertainty it brings, I wanted to share some of the free flow thoughts that have been circling in my head the past few days. 1. The future may be unpredictable, but we tend to respond in predictable ways. Yes,...
If you’re a parent, I don’t need to tell you that there are a million little things to do for your kid or kids everyday. Rather than go through each task, chore, etc. I’ve noticed that most couples seem to do a generalized overview of who does what and that becomes the status quo until...
As a therapist, I’ve learned that most people do not have time or the energy to read an entire book anymore. So though this entire book is well worth your time and energy, I decided I could share an excerpt that I found particularly helpful and wise. Here is an excerpt titled The Courage to...
The most common feedback I get from couples is how helpful it is to start thinking in terms of what their RELATIONSHIP needs. Most people tend to think of relationships as a balance between you and me. I’m either selfish or selfless. What Stan Tatkin, founder of PACT, suggests is that the “you or me”...
I’ve gone back and forth on this idea for a long time. Sometimes you just need a break from therapy. Sometimes it’s easier to justify making time for exercise than it is to justify therapy. You might find yourself thinking, “You know, running, yoga, etc. is basically the same thing”. Sometimes I have the same...
